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 blah blah blah.

 bitch bitch bitch.

Sorry I am just SUCH a whore. You know, with ALLLL the guys I go around just kissing and fucking and using. That's all I ever do. I just love making out with as many guys as I possibly can. WOOOOOOHOOOOOO. Everyone is OBVIOUSLY right to assume that I am such a bitch and such a slut even though they've never held a single conversation with me.

And there is OBVIOUSLY so much proof that I go around hooking up with guys all the time. Even though my last boyfriend I had for almost a year. But I'm still completely a whore. I mean, really, what respectable girl keeps a boyfriend for that long and stays faithful to them?!! Only sluts and whores do that!!

EVERYONE ON THIS GODDAMN STATE CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES AND DIE. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO START SHIT ABOUT ME AND CALL ME NAMES BEHIND MY BACK AND TALK SHIT ABOUT ME. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'VE NEVER EVEN MET ME. I FUCKING HATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. When you find out I'm dead, I hope you all realize it's your fault. It's your fault for making my life a living hell. It's your fault I have no confidence left for no reason. It's your fault I've had to suffer through an eating disorder over and over. It's your fucking fault I've cried myself to sleep for months now. I hope you kill yourselves, too, you no good pieces of shit. I'll be spitting and shitting on every single one of your graves you fucking bastards.
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 I graduate tomorrow. Its about time, right? I really can't wait. I'm so sick of these fucking ridiculous mandatory rehearsals. UGHHH. The rehearsals have been harder and harder each time because each time it hits me harder that Matt should be here. His seat should literally be right in front of me. I want him there so badly. He deserves it more than anyone. I full out cried last night at the Awards Ceremony. When Papa Boles walks across to accept Matt's diploma, I'm going to lose it. I'll be walking across the stage BAWLING like a fucking baby. But oh well.

Everything has been pretty damn good other than that. I still cry almost everyday but it's getting a little easier to hold it back.

I just have a feeling this summer is going to be amazing. I really can't wait.

jkbhddcgvyhsjdblah blah blah blahahhhifdnkfv.

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 I'm so happy with everything right now.

Except I'm nervous as hell about college. And my prom dress coming in on time.....

OH WELL. Right now I am ecstatic!

And hell bent on marrying Matt Hasting. I don't care if his hair is as long as mine and I can fist his ears.
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Hold me, hold me if I were to...
I can't, can't; I swear I can't let you.
It's all in your hands now.
I'll do what I can, so you can do what you have to.

Say you'll never, ever.
Say you'll never, ever.
Say you'll never let me go.
Say you'll never, ever.
Say you'll never, ever
Say you'll never tell a soul.

why do lyrics always describe my life perfectly? fml.
why do I have to make my life more and more complicated? fml.
School is almost over and I'm more stressed than ever.

the number has grown to two. It's a terrible idea on one count, but I don't care. It seems too wonderful. I hope something works out of all this madness.

Current Music: A Day to Remember - Over My Head | Powered by Last.fm

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 Everything has been perfect lately. I don't really know how else to explain it.

I mean, yeah it still hits hard every once in a while throughout the day when something reminds me of Jon... But it's getting better. I just keep telling myself that it obviously wasn't meant to be. And I've come to terms with it all. And I've come to terms with him being way immature about it and spreading rumors about me. It's whatever.

But other than that stupid downer moment, EVERYTHING IS SO WONDERFUL!!
+New class today! Issues! I'm so pumped.
+Back in touch with Nick! I missed him so much!
+Jake=BEST FRANNNNN!! Hahaha. I love that boy so much. He's keeping me sane. :)
+I went 'shopping' tonight! Five new cd's, two season's of LOST, a new movie, and some stand up comedy thingy.
+I'm learning so much more stuff on guitar. It's awesome.

Yeah. I don't know. It just all seems so good lately.
Good good good.

Why can't I stop listening to Mayday Parade? Since when do I even listen to that genre of music? Ha. Oh well. I'm hooked. 

Current Music: Mayday Parade - Jamie All Over | Powered by Last.fm

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 Well, today was uneventful. And thankfully religion free aside from prayer before eating. Which means I didn't have to discuss my lack of belief with the family as usual. They are so ridiculous.

I slept sooooooo late today. I can't even believe it. I didn't do anything today except eat too much candy and learn two songs on guitar. Ha. And buy Kevin cigarettes, as usual.

I have roughly 6626 minutes left until I'm happy again. Not that I'm counting down or anything. ;D
This weekend has just been too fantastic. It's all looking up now. I'm so happy.

So, I've decided:
iChat sucks.
AIM for Mac sucks.
Stickam sucks.

yay yay yay yay yayayyaybkjnlkfjbkjsnfbknvrkj!!!!! !@#$%^&*()_

I just had to get the happy out. :D

Current Mood: ecstatic ecstatic

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 So, everything is looking up. :D
I'm pretty much the happiest person on the face of the planet.
I don't know how this happened.
I've been miserable.
And one fantastic day has switched everything around.
I can't even explain how happy I am.
I can't stop smiling like a complete retard and I love every second of it.
I feel like a two year old child again.
I cant wait for summer. It'll only enhance the happy. Hopefully.
I don't want this feeling to go away.

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     Jon isn't talking to me at all. He 'unfriended' me on facebook. How mature, right? I wish he understood how much he means to me and how much I miss him. It's unbearable. I want to just fall out of love with him. I wish I could just forget how amazing the past year was with him. I wish I could just forget how happy I was when he held me. meknjdsbvkjk erlidbjkvlierbjsdfglkbjvsklerdgj
     I'm going to start crying again. NonononoNO. I'm really trying to be optimistic. Trying to see past how miserable I am now. Maybe this was just for the best? It's just really hard. It's hard to look at things from a good point when it just seems like nothing is going right in your life...
     I'd still being going insane if it weren't for Brandon and Josh last night. I can't even thank them enough. I guess it didn't seem like they did much, but them just caring enough to come talk to me and hear me out... It meant so much. I hope we can all stay friends. We all get along so well. And Brandon and I are practically the same person as we found out last night. hahaha. :)
     This really has been the worst possible five and a half months of my life. I'm just really scared from all of this because Jon was all I had. Jon was the only person I told everything to. He was who I went to for everything. If I were crying at three in the morning, I know he'd be here in a heartbeat to make me smile or at least hold me and comfort me. I don't have that anymore. I won't have it ever again. I don't even have a girl friend that I can talk to. I really hope he gets over all the bullshit Jordan Mullins is feeding him and we can at least be friends again. He's so amazing and I know he'll find the girl of his dreams soon enough. :/

I'm going to keep breathing and try not to breakdown anymore. At least not over Jon. It's impossible to stop the crying from Matt. I don't think that will ever stop. I've officially lost the two guys in my life that have meant the most to me. Two best friends. The guy I'm in love with. I hope things will get easier soon. jkfdsbklvjekbjrrrweo;ifjkndsv.

Thanks again, Brandon and Pattison! So, so much.

Current Music: MGMT - The Youth | Powered by Last.fm

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 My dad has officially lost me. And he knows it. He kicked me out. What joys it is to have him as a loving caring father.

And by that I mean I hope he burns in hell. We'll see how long I make it with less than 700 bucks in my account! ADVENTURE.

I hate couch hoping. I feel like such an unwanted bum. I'm at Sarita's right now, thank her family! Ha. I just wish I didn't have to be stuck with such a shithole of a dad. He is so immature I can't handle it anymore UGHHHHHHH.

Well, I'm going to sleep. I have to wake up too early to function.
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 Zoey's age is catching up with her. I hate watching her struggle.

I don't know what I'm going to do without I her. I love her so much.

Current Music: The Ergs! - it's never going to be the same again | Powered by Last.fm

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